Mistress makes me so happy. She tries to say She is the lucky one. Boy is She wrong. i am so lucky to have Her.
Yesterday She told me how happy She is with me. She stated that i am the girl She has always been looking for. Wow. i was floating on cloud nine for the rest of the night. In fact, i still am!!!
How to describe what Mistress means to me? Here is the quote i gave to Her yesterday:
“Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.”
Mistress seemed happy. She said that She had never experienced that level of devotion. Hopefully, She will never have to worry about that ever again. i plan on being Hers forever. Can one burst from pure happiness? i think i might! :)
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Search
i feel bad for Mistress. i have been off the past few days. She is worried i am second guessing about moving out with Her. That is so far from the truth! She is the reason i get up in the morning. She is my air. i love Her dearly.
my problem? i have been trying to figure that out myself. i think i have finally figured it out. For some reason i have been thinking of my father. Not my daddy. my father.
Not a pity-party. Just facts. Ok? :)
i have been in 14 different school. 11 from Kindergarten and fourth grade. No. i was not a military brat. my father could/would not hold down a job. During this time, my parents kept splitting and then getting back together. i moved from Michigan to North Carolina so many times.
The first time i remember begging my mom to leave him, i was 5. How sad to think even that did not work on my mother. What else could i have done? i know it is not my fault, but sometimes i feel like it is.
Why beg her to leave him? He was, still is, and probably always will be very abusive. Physically, emotionally, sexually. Even knowing most of that, she still won't leave. i have not lived with him since i was 14. i am still dealing with all the pain inside. i don't think he sexually abuses my brothers, at least i hope not. That would kill me.
i want to be there to protect them, and i know i can't. i need to protect myself now. How do i do that? How do i let myself be happy? It is not fair that i am so happy with Mistress when i know that my brothers have no chance. The oldest of them is 22. He has not graduated high school, has no job, and still lives with our parents. Why me? Why can he not be happy? Life just does not seem fair.
How does one find the ability to allow themselves to be happy? i hope Mistress can help me get there. That is the only thing i truly want. To be happy with Mistress. Forever.
my problem? i have been trying to figure that out myself. i think i have finally figured it out. For some reason i have been thinking of my father. Not my daddy. my father.
Not a pity-party. Just facts. Ok? :)
i have been in 14 different school. 11 from Kindergarten and fourth grade. No. i was not a military brat. my father could/would not hold down a job. During this time, my parents kept splitting and then getting back together. i moved from Michigan to North Carolina so many times.
The first time i remember begging my mom to leave him, i was 5. How sad to think even that did not work on my mother. What else could i have done? i know it is not my fault, but sometimes i feel like it is.
Why beg her to leave him? He was, still is, and probably always will be very abusive. Physically, emotionally, sexually. Even knowing most of that, she still won't leave. i have not lived with him since i was 14. i am still dealing with all the pain inside. i don't think he sexually abuses my brothers, at least i hope not. That would kill me.
i want to be there to protect them, and i know i can't. i need to protect myself now. How do i do that? How do i let myself be happy? It is not fair that i am so happy with Mistress when i know that my brothers have no chance. The oldest of them is 22. He has not graduated high school, has no job, and still lives with our parents. Why me? Why can he not be happy? Life just does not seem fair.
How does one find the ability to allow themselves to be happy? i hope Mistress can help me get there. That is the only thing i truly want. To be happy with Mistress. Forever.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Happy?
Yes. i am happy. So why the question mark? Because i am still so far away and Mistress is struggling with stuff at home. Our home. Wow. That feels good.
Anyways, i am struggling with being 800-some miles away. But, Mistress likes to remind me how many days are left everyday. It is so cute!!! i feel loved and wanted everytime She does that. She REALLY wants me! So, yes. i am SUPER DUPER happy. :D Everything else is actually working themselves out. Just waiting right now for a call from Mistress to hear how the next thing has worked out. i am sure it will be fine. Right?
Anyways, i am struggling with being 800-some miles away. But, Mistress likes to remind me how many days are left everyday. It is so cute!!! i feel loved and wanted everytime She does that. She REALLY wants me! So, yes. i am SUPER DUPER happy. :D Everything else is actually working themselves out. Just waiting right now for a call from Mistress to hear how the next thing has worked out. i am sure it will be fine. Right?
Monday, April 4, 2011
Love
i am flying high on love! my Mistress is SO wonderful. She has gone out of Her way to encourage me the past couple of days. She knows what to say, how to say it, and when to say it.
i took the advice to talk to Mistress about some of my fears. i am so glad i did! Mistress put most of my fears to rest. The few that are left i think are good to hang on to. They will make sure that i do not become complacent in my submission. i will be on my toes.
Now that She has put me at ease, She is proceding to make me feel like the most loved submissive in the whole world. As we talk i just sit here wondering how i got so lucky. Mistress is the best!
She even texted me yesterday asking if i had family in Ireland. She knows how badly i want to go back. (i visited back in high school) She even looked up the cost of flights! That She would take Her time to look into something i want so badly is just the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.
Sorry for all the gushing, but i did warn you! i love You Mistress with all my heart. You need never worry about losing me. You are stuck with me forever! ;)
i took the advice to talk to Mistress about some of my fears. i am so glad i did! Mistress put most of my fears to rest. The few that are left i think are good to hang on to. They will make sure that i do not become complacent in my submission. i will be on my toes.
Now that She has put me at ease, She is proceding to make me feel like the most loved submissive in the whole world. As we talk i just sit here wondering how i got so lucky. Mistress is the best!
She even texted me yesterday asking if i had family in Ireland. She knows how badly i want to go back. (i visited back in high school) She even looked up the cost of flights! That She would take Her time to look into something i want so badly is just the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.
Sorry for all the gushing, but i did warn you! i love You Mistress with all my heart. You need never worry about losing me. You are stuck with me forever! ;)
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Mistress's Birthday!!!
Today is Mistress's birthday. What do i wish most? (i know, it's not my birthday, but i can still wish can't i?) That i was there to make it a happy birthday. Well. We have next year. And we have my brithday in July! :D
Hope Mistress knows what She is getting into. i love to celebrate and have fun on holidays, special days, birthdays, you name it! i don't think Mistress gets how bad i can be. He-he. She will soon!
Hope Mistress knows what She is getting into. i love to celebrate and have fun on holidays, special days, birthdays, you name it! i don't think Mistress gets how bad i can be. He-he. She will soon!
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