Me

This post is going to tell you a little bit more about me. i am pretty easy to get to know, but to truly understand me you need to take your time. i am sure most people are like that, but i do tend to hide alot. Mistress is the first person i have been able to open up to without any questions or fear. i am, now, first and foremost Mistress's submissive. Obviously, right now it is a LDR. Soon we will be living together and i am SO EXCITED!!! i have realized that the biggest part of my submission is domestic. i want to cook, clean, and serve Mistress.i want to decorate the house for different holidays like Christmas and for birthdays. i want to celebrate life with Mistress and grow and love. i know i will not always want to serve happily, but i will push through on those days. i can not wait to learn more about all the things Mistress wants to teach me in the Dungeon too. We have only been able to play a little. But, the more i think about it and learn and explore, the more i want to be a good girl for Her.
Secondly, i am a total nerd. That is a broad statement, i know. i love history (Tudors, WWII, Renassaince, Civil War, biographies, Ancient Ireland, royalty, etc.), movies (Pride and Predjudice, Star Wars, Letters to Juliet, Repo: the Genetic Opera, Speed Racer, Star Trek, Dirty Dancing, Anne of Green Gables, Where the Heart Is, any and all comic book movies, etc.), books (Gone With the Wind, Persuasion, anything by Dean Koontz, etc.) i love to watch sports like college basketball (UNC Tarhells!!!), baseball (Detroit Tigers and Milwaukee Brewers), hockey (only in person, not on TV), soccer (just enjoy watching), and many others too. Wow. i think i am more of a nerd than even i thought! He-he.
i have gone through alot. When Mistress first mentioned BDSM i freaked out inside. i come from a very abussive (emotionally, physically, sexually) household. My father was never drunk when he did these things. i think had he been i might be able to try to forgive him. i could tell myself it was the alcohol that made him do it. But no, he did it of his own free will. i have come so far since i moved out when i was 14. i still have far to go though. Mistress said something once that made me happier than i had ever felt before. She asked me to tell Her some specific things that he did to me. i was in a very safe place emotionally so i was fine. After i finished i asked Her where that came from. She said in Her beautiful voice, "I never want you to think of him and I in the same thought, so i need to know things to stay away from." No one has ever thought to ask me that. Thank you so much Mistress for loving me so much to think of that.
i love to learn more and more. i have been learning so much that i am starting to burst at the knowledge. i am starting in the planning process to write a book about BDSM and gearing it towards Vanilla folk. Mistress suggested the title Vanilla Kink. i really like it! :) After i finish this book, i would love to write a book on Lady Jane Grey. My intrests are so wide, but i love it. Hope you guys don't mind :D
Well, that is basically me in a nutshell. Hope you did not mind getting to know the real me a little bit more.

Feelings

So, tonight (ok, all day today) i have felt SO submissive. Why? No clue. And do you know what sucks? Mistress lives half a country away and i have NO outlet for all this pent-up energy. Could i help out some of my friends here? Sure. Do i think that would work in the slightest? HELL NO!!!
i feel more domestic submissive right now. i want to jump up and get Mistress's asprin and a water (She had a headache today, i felt so helpless!!!). i want to make Mistress lunch. i want to sit and watch Her play COD. (Yes She plays and yes i enjoy watching)
i just have to tell myself soon. Only a couple more months and i can serve Mistress to my hearts content-Her's too!!! :D

Better

First, let me just say thank you for the sweet comments on my last post. i was really struggling. Mistress has been very kind the last day or two and so encouraging. It has really helped me get through this.
 Right now for Mistress and me it is just a waiting game. We have our sights set on a goal. We are working on it with all Our hearts, minds, and souls. Even though We have to wait just a little bit, i know the end is here and happiness will reign.
Don't worry. i am not thinking pie in the sky. i know life is not perfect. But, Mistress and i know what We want and it will make Us much happier than We have been in the past. SO excited!!!

Why?

Why can  i not be everything to everyone? Why can i not be the best submissive and the best friend? Why is life always so hard? Why can i not have everything i love?

Excited!!!

It is looking more and more like i will be out with Mistress MUCH sooner than either one of us expected!!! i am so excited, yet i am super nervous. As any submissive will tell you i am sure, all i want is to please Mistress. i love Her more than i can express. She has brought into my life love, light, pleasure, happiness, contentment, and stability. i know that last one is hard to understand since we are so far apart. But, it is true. i have never felt so safe.
i trust Her. i don't even think i trust my best friend as much. Mistress was the first person i told about all the things my father did to me. She has helped me start to grow into the person i want to be.
Now i really need to get serious. i have been, but now it is becoming more real. i think i am most nervous about disappointing Mistress. But i know with Her there to guide me i can do almost anything!

Is it time to move yet? ;)

Funny :D

Ever had a dream that is just feels SO REAL? i did last night. Unfortunatly, the only thing i remember from it was i was with Mistress and we were playing. i woke up and felt like it truely happened. Then, i go to take my shower and happened to notice a nice bruise on my thigh. Looked just like the bruises i get from Mistress. Made me really happy. Now having a really happy day. Maybe i will have another happy weekend.
Tonight i get to hang with a friend i have not seen in a year. Will definatly be a late night talking and gossiping :D Tomorrow i get to hang out with one of my Geeky friends and we will geek out on some movies :D Then, Sunday i have a 'date' with a friend to watch Despicable Me and have dinner. (i totally love the littlest girl, makes me laugh everytime) As you can see, does not take much to make me happy :D
Hope all you have a happy weekend too!

Cold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am sitting on my couch in my living room bundled up in my warm fleece pj pants and the warmest sweater ever (Mistress gave it to me, so the knowledge that She used to wear it might be part of why it feels so warm to me). i am also wearing my heating boots (not sure what they are really called. i just call them my boots. They are really fleece sock-like things with microwavable heating pads to keep them warm. (BEST PRESENT EVER!!!). Even with all this i am still cold. Why do you ask? i will tell you. The wind is blowing, the snow is flying, and the ice is crashing. The noise right outside the window is so loud i need the tv volume up more than usual. Remind me why i live in this state?! i hate being cold. The perfect spot to me is where i can be as naked as possible (i know in public it is sometimes frowned upon!) and just be warm. That is no way, no how the description of here and now. :(
Tonight would be the perfect night to go into a warm dungeon and have fun with Mistress. i am wanting to be put in my place by my loving and wonderful Mistress. Why on earth do i live so far away from Her?! i have so many ideas of the fun we could have. And i know She does too!!! He-he!
i have a few ideas for a fictional account of a dungeon scene. Once i finalize my ideas i will share the story with you all :) If it takes me too long, remind me! But no worries, i am excited to share with you, so i am sure it should not take long. :)