Dealing

How does one deal with frustrations when they know nothing can be done about it? Is it even something to be frustrated about?
i still have not been able to talk to Mistress either. Situation comes up, Mistress gets sick. Ok. One more frustration to add to the list. Not being there to take care of Her. All day long my heart hurt knowing She did not feel good and i could do nothing to ease Her pain.
Some people (ok, Mistress) say that i need to tell Her everything. i wonder, if i know there is nothing She can do, and She is so far away, and She is not doing well Herself, why would i put more on Her? i am used to being the one people come to to talk to and share their problems with. i have always been the strong one. i was even my mother's confidant. It is hard to share everything.
i need to just tell myself this part of my life is soon ending. Soon, i will be able to share all of the fun things Mistress and i will do together. i know i will still write about some of the hard things, but i am so looking forward to all that we will do together. Something happy to go to sleep to. Good night!!!

Alone

How does a submissive deal with not being able to help their Domme? Anyone know? i never knew i could feel so alone and helpless. Mistress is struggling and i can not do anything, i am too far away. Not sure what i could do even if i was there. i feel like i am on an island. How can one person hurt so bad? i feel so incomplete. Is it May yet?

Me

This post is going to tell you a little bit more about me. i am pretty easy to get to know, but to truly understand me you need to take your time. i am sure most people are like that, but i do tend to hide alot. Mistress is the first person i have been able to open up to without any questions or fear. i am, now, first and foremost Mistress's submissive. Obviously, right now it is a LDR. Soon we will be living together and i am SO EXCITED!!! i have realized that the biggest part of my submission is domestic. i want to cook, clean, and serve Mistress.i want to decorate the house for different holidays like Christmas and for birthdays. i want to celebrate life with Mistress and grow and love. i know i will not always want to serve happily, but i will push through on those days. i can not wait to learn more about all the things Mistress wants to teach me in the Dungeon too. We have only been able to play a little. But, the more i think about it and learn and explore, the more i want to be a good girl for Her.
Secondly, i am a total nerd. That is a broad statement, i know. i love history (Tudors, WWII, Renassaince, Civil War, biographies, Ancient Ireland, royalty, etc.), movies (Pride and Predjudice, Star Wars, Letters to Juliet, Repo: the Genetic Opera, Speed Racer, Star Trek, Dirty Dancing, Anne of Green Gables, Where the Heart Is, any and all comic book movies, etc.), books (Gone With the Wind, Persuasion, anything by Dean Koontz, etc.) i love to watch sports like college basketball (UNC Tarhells!!!), baseball (Detroit Tigers and Milwaukee Brewers), hockey (only in person, not on TV), soccer (just enjoy watching), and many others too. Wow. i think i am more of a nerd than even i thought! He-he.
i have gone through alot. When Mistress first mentioned BDSM i freaked out inside. i come from a very abussive (emotionally, physically, sexually) household. My father was never drunk when he did these things. i think had he been i might be able to try to forgive him. i could tell myself it was the alcohol that made him do it. But no, he did it of his own free will. i have come so far since i moved out when i was 14. i still have far to go though. Mistress said something once that made me happier than i had ever felt before. She asked me to tell Her some specific things that he did to me. i was in a very safe place emotionally so i was fine. After i finished i asked Her where that came from. She said in Her beautiful voice, "I never want you to think of him and I in the same thought, so i need to know things to stay away from." No one has ever thought to ask me that. Thank you so much Mistress for loving me so much to think of that.
i love to learn more and more. i have been learning so much that i am starting to burst at the knowledge. i am starting in the planning process to write a book about BDSM and gearing it towards Vanilla folk. Mistress suggested the title Vanilla Kink. i really like it! :) After i finish this book, i would love to write a book on Lady Jane Grey. My intrests are so wide, but i love it. Hope you guys don't mind :D
Well, that is basically me in a nutshell. Hope you did not mind getting to know the real me a little bit more.

Feelings

So, tonight (ok, all day today) i have felt SO submissive. Why? No clue. And do you know what sucks? Mistress lives half a country away and i have NO outlet for all this pent-up energy. Could i help out some of my friends here? Sure. Do i think that would work in the slightest? HELL NO!!!
i feel more domestic submissive right now. i want to jump up and get Mistress's asprin and a water (She had a headache today, i felt so helpless!!!). i want to make Mistress lunch. i want to sit and watch Her play COD. (Yes She plays and yes i enjoy watching)
i just have to tell myself soon. Only a couple more months and i can serve Mistress to my hearts content-Her's too!!! :D